About Me

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He says I am crazy. Some days I have my doubts. Others days, I think he's the crazy one. And the next day? -  I think I just may be if I am willing to put up with this. 

To put it all into perspective:

I am a 29 year old women. I have lived most of my life in addiction and now sober, I am and always will be, still an addict. I was fortunate enough to find a treatment facility that helped me change my life and have been clean since July 20, 2020. Everything sort of changed after that point. My issues with family were sorted out, I got a fabulous job I never saw coming, I started to like myself again and I found God as I understand him. All of this happened in lieu of getting out of jail. I had hit rock bottom, was looking at 7 to 10 years in prison and only had prayer left. For whatever reason, God heard me. Not only did he hear me, but every prayer I had was answered.

All but one: my search for true love.

I have been with the same man for the last 3 years. It started off great as it always does. I thought in all honesty, I had met my soulmate. That is, until the harsh reality of truth set in. 

It all started with a lie and a form of infidelity. Now, it truly depends on what you consider cheating as it varies by person, but I considered his actions to be just that. Social media kills relationships. I think it's best to avoid it completely. He doesn't agree. 

For someone who's been through hell and back, that first lie at such a impactful time is a true mindfuck. My comfort and happiness shatter right there and then. 

I had been with some really terrible people prior to him and I had a decent reason to question the legitimacy of my judgement. I had never been in a sober relationship prior to this. I never had healthy boundaries, nor had I known what I should expect from a partner in the case that something like this happened.

Why would God put this individual in my life if not to teach me how to love properly? Why would God give me a relationship I couldn't handle? Maybe this was a lesson to show me forgiveness and patience, to truly accept someone I love as they are. Needless to say, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. 

I think this was my first mistake, my first true red flag that I chose to see through rose coloured glasses. The funny thing about red flags through rose coloured glasses - they look an awful lot like white flags through lenses just the same.